Only Pretend
by DarkPrincess128
Summary: "Once a month, Remus comes to him, and for that night, Sirius and Remus are two boys who never seem to have loved – or been loved – enough, and it is as if they are trying to make up for it in touches of varying levels of passion." Marauders-era. RL/SB.


**Disclaimer: I do not own HP or anything else you might recognize in this story.**

**Rating: T for, um, descriptive snogging?**

**Pairing: Remus/Sirius**

**A/N: My first Harry Potter fanfic...I'm always terrified entering a new fandom for the first time. Please review so I have an idea how this is...I hope you like it!**

"Remus..."

It's a whisper in the dead of the night. The dormitory surrounding them is silent save Peter's insufferable snoring and the occasional mumble of "Lily" from Prongs' sleeping form. The curtains of Remus' four-poster are pulled, effectively creating what might as well be a black hole holding just the two of them. They have successfully closed out the noises coming from the other occupants of the room, no charms needed. They have also closed out the light emanating from the moon and through the windows, already past its first quarter and quickly approaching its next state. The imminency of Remus' transformation always brings a couple... "_temperamental_" changes prior to it, and it is then that the aforementioned boy turns to the one person he knows will understand what he needs.

Lips skate over smooth jawlines, hands slide over bare chests, breath hovers around sensitive ears. They keep whispering each other's names like mantras. Everything is vague at first, like Remus is scared to break Sirius like glass (even though they both know perfectly well how tough Sirius Black is). So even though Remus is always the one to come to him, Sirius is the one who initially takes control. He presses his lips forcefully against his partner's, coaxing Remus to respond in kind. As if the first real kiss of the evening has awoken him, has rekindled the need he had for this in the first place. And after that, there's no doubt who's in control; Sirius, who _always_ pulls the strings with his lovers, never really minds this in Remus.

When Remus thrusts his tongue into Sirius' mouth, the latter is reminded how very seldom they have this. Once a month, Remus comes to him, and for that night, they stop being Padfoot and Moony, Marauders, and (in Sirius' case), pranksters. For that night, Sirius and Remus are two boys who never seem to have loved – or been loved – enough, and it is as if they are trying to make up for it in touches of varying levels of passion.

With Sirius sucking on his tongue, Remus shoves Sirius onto his back, straddling him and running his hands wherever there could be bare skin under them. Sirius can't help but notice the hands are trembling. Sirius entwines his hands into Remus' hair, deepening the kiss further – all under the pretense that this is what Remus needs, Remus needs raw passion, a real release...not that they ever take it _that_ far, of course, because even though they've both shagged people, separately, they know that it's a line you cannot cross with one of your best friends.

So the two of them settle for lying on top of one another, bare-chested and locked by the lips, hips thrusting where it is deemed necessary.

Remus takes his tongue away from Sirius' mouth and drags it down his neck, biting down hard on the junction of his neck and shoulder. Sirius cries out, forgetting they hadn't cast charms earlier. Sirius quickly draws out his wand from nearby and casts the appropriate silencing charm, throwing it away from him immediately afterwards in favor of raking his nails down Remus' back. The other laves at the bruise he's been trying so hard to perfect.

Sirius is horrified at the realization that he yearns _so much _for these very rare nights with Remus, when he can forget everything else – including his own personality faults, which he fervently denies having – and let himself be reduced to breathy moans.

Remus removes himself from Sirius' neck and goes to gently bite his earlobe; Sirius can feel his breath on his ear, and it's shaking a little. Sirius growls (quite explicably sounding like his Animagus), impressed and completely shocked into near numbness that Remus remembered – from what felt like so long ago even though it was just last month – that that was Sirius' one absolute weak spot.

"Sirius..."

And something in hearing his name – his real name – spoken like that broke him.

"Remus, I -" _Don't say it, you blithering idiot, don't say it!_

Remus looks up with some look in his face Sirius doesn't have the nerve to decipher.

_You're a Gryffindor, for Merlin's sake, Black! Act like it!_

"Remus, I love you."

Remus exhales sharply, and though Sirius Black is rarely abashed, he's horribly ashamed that he brought _feelings_ into a situation where feelings were completely unnecessary.

"Why?" Remus says quietly.

Sirius can feel his heart pounding, and he suddenly realizes that _that's_ why.

"I...don't have to pretend with you."

Remus is clearly waiting for more explanation than that.

"I don't have to pretend I don't have flaws – I don't have to act like I'm the coolest person to ever enter this school." For further explanation, Sirius takes Remus' hand and places it over his heart, which is

still beating forcefully against his ribcage. "That happens," he whispers, "and I don't have to pretend it doesn't."

Remus closes his eyes. "I came to you for this," he whispers in the same way Sirius had, "because I wanted you, and no one else."

"Then have me." Sirius' voice seems like it's getting even quieter. "Not just once a month, Remus. Just...you can have me."

"I love you," Remus whispers.

The night resumes in more whispered confessions, soft caresses, hopeful promises.

* * *

**A/N: My first Harry Potter fanfic. *shrinks* Review, pretty please? And tell me if it was any good?**


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